Wednesday, December 06, 2006; the PJ trip(!)
the trip was an eyeopener,a jaw-breaker, a heart-wrencher, a friendship builder, yet a friendship destructer.The trip just leaves me with this huge amount of emotions, memories and thoughts that i cant leave behind(somehow,yet)
Totally eyeopening and jaw-dropping was those amazing kiddos out there, smacking those balls, sending them driving all the way, through the air. In their eyes, there showed no hint of fear, nor nervousness. There was just this dead calm face playing the match as if going to watch HOT CHICKS or something.
The heartache was probably the rawest, freshest emotion still left lingering now. DAMN!it wasnt no heart ache man, though the overwhelming guilt and regret just leaves me going Ouch!We were such a total letdown, if not just leave charmiane and kat outta it. I was a total letdown.I wonder what actually made me let those guys in.damn.It was practically insane, and to see the way mrtan looked our way or the way mrs nicles spoke.Man, its like knives stabbing all the way through, and the way the other mommys still treat us perfect lil angels, it just make me burn and wanna cry out loud.It was ALL damn bloody MY BADD! and although ive said it over a million times to all that have been affected, im saying it again-im sorry.
But somehow, the tears often paved the road to a sunnier day. The only thing that let me alive was the mere knowledge that I wasn't in the shit all alone. THANKYOU, charmy and kat. Without us, I wouldnt have known how to pull through!THE making kat eat,making me UN-PMS,the art of seduction(:)), the dressing room sprees and YES(!) those very nights just make me hell sad that im going to leave you guys so soon.
AND TO THE NEW FRIENDS(!), welcome to the club.Whether or not our friendship hurted others or brought about horrible concequences, thankyou for just being YOU AND THERE!
Lastly, things that healed before this trip broke again. Sometimes, I really wonder whether this wound had actually healed or had it always been this bloody and gapping, just hidden behind a massive ton of PLASTER. And even if it has healed, its always a threat when the stiches would aplit and the blood to flow again.No names would be mentionsed here, but the team have worked so hard to keep us going. No matter the disagreement, the old fuelled anger we had pledged to leave behind should just be thrown deep into dirt.ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE. i just hope that I leave, and leave to see the team Complete.
AND no doubt. Im sorry for the disgrace, the misunderstanding and the unhappiness.
I went and returned the same me, the trip had just brought something else into my life(:MAN!I LOVE YOU GUYS!
THANKYOU peps for this beautiful year in any way u have contributed, whether in terms of joy, love, anger or tears beacuse all would be somewhat different without you(:
I cry and I weep... Because of you...
2:41 AM
